Sunday, December 18, 2011

My December Babies

Today is the day I was due with our 3rd baby who we lost to miscarriage.  I miscarried at 8 weeks along in May, just a few days before Mother's Day.  It was horrible pain.  And even though I'm no longer in a place where I cry over that baby, last night I felt the disappointment of that loss heavy on my heart.  Even 4 years later. 

I had mentioned to Matt that tomorrow was my due date with that baby... He stopped to listen. I looked up at the picture of Rachel hanging on the wall above me...

"I guess December just wasn't my month" I said as I started crying. 

I think this is what my doctor was talking about a while back when he asked me if I had forgiven myself for having a baby with Anencephaly. 

The truth is that I feel like I failed both of my sweet December babies.  And I just want them back.

4 comments:

  1. What a hard month for you honey, when for others Dec is just a month of joy and anticipation of Christmas. There's so much going on for your sweet heart.
    Praying for you honey xx

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  2. My EDD for my miscarriage is Jan. 3. Sadie Mae's b-day is Jan. 18th. What's the deal with ours being the same month?

    Praying for your heart tonight, sweet friend.

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  3. Nothing is ever easy, is it? Stacey? I'm so sorry for your struggles. I pray for comfort and peace for you. My heart breaks when I read your posts and I wish I could be there to give you a hug and let you know you're not alone. I had 3 miscarriages myself, and I know how much that hurts. I wish there was more I could do for you. All I can do is remember your sweet babies with you, love them and you, and pray with you. Much love from me to you.

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