Complicated Decorating

I woke up at 5am thinking about this idea I have for Asa's nursery.  My mind went from the paint colors and wall decor to my night in the hospital with Rachel.

And people wonder why being pregnant again isn't as easy as just being excited over my new bundle of joy...

I relived the night in my mind... my amazing nurses, the snow that fell softly outside the window...the peanut butter toast I ate while she laid on my lap and I stared at her face....how good it felt to have her near me and prop her up with me just the way I have the other three on my first night with them, while Matt slept nearby on a visitor bed....the fact that they gave me 2 benedryl and I was still up most of the night because I just didn't want to miss a moment with her...the way the hours flew by no matter how much I wanted to slow them down.

And before I knew it, I was reliving the moment when I had to let the funeral home leave with her.  They were so amazing and picked her up in a moses basket, gave me all the time I needed to get her ready to go out into the cold world without me and promised to follow her Mama's instructions to not let her hat fall off ever.  I changed her into her "love to twirl" outfit, put her little cross necklace on her, got her all snuggled in the basket with her little lamb, kissed her sweet face, watched the door close behind them.... and she was gone...

So here I sit at 6am on a Sunday morning almost 9 months later and all I want to do is decorate my baby's room....but decorating has never been more complicated.