Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Compatible With Life

I had a level 2 ultrasound yesterday that my new doctor insisted on.  I wasn't really concerned with having it, but was looking forward to seeing the little man on the screen again so I went along with her idea.  Of course, in order to get the level 2 ultrasound, I also needed to humor them and do the "genetic counseling" that goes with it.

Within the first few minutes of the meeting, I was wondering if I was going to need to walk out... the medical field drives me nuts sometimes.  It seems that the majority of them are so brainwashed by medical school that they forget they are working with real live PEOPLE.  So, I just nodded as she went over "what happened with my last pregnancy that caused my fetus to not form properly"..... she explained the neural tube and how it closes and where it would go wrong in order to cause anencephaly.  She also asked me to walk her through what happened with my last pregnancy and if they explained this stuff to me.  I gave the run down of how my diagnosis day went and said that I was not given any real genetic counseling because most people just look at it like it was pointless to be carrying to term and so they didn't offer much in the way of information once I told them I wouldn't kill my baby.

She smiled and said "well, most people, when we know that the fetus has a condition that is incompatible with life, do decide that not continuing the pregnancy is what would be best.  However, I understand that you chose what was best for you"  smile, nod, smile....  She very obviously was in that group of people who don't see the point and think the testing they provide to be an excellent way to prevent having to deal with a baby like Rachel for a minute longer than necessary. (and aren't impressed that I deny the tests)  'Get the test as soon as possible so you can still easily abort if there's a chance of it being imperfect' seems to be the goal of all these new medical advances.  Women are robbed every day of their right to choose by people who don't tell them that carrying to term is also an option.  Ironically these are the same people damanding that women should have the right to choose.... hmmm...

Besides the fact that I'm 7 months pregnant with a new baby who we already know doesn't have a neural tube defect and so this conversation was pretty much pointless, this is one of those times when I wish I would have been more prepared - because I said nothing in response to her comment, but what I wish I would have said was...

That's an interesting statement about a baby that was ALIVE, lady....  what do you mean "incompatible with life"? She was alive...   maybe they don't go over that in the school she went to??  It just shows the spiritual war we are fighting in this area.  When is a baby considered alive?  If you want it and if it's "perfect", at about the time you find out... if you don't want it or it's not perfect - well then, you get to decide.  Well, in that case, just for the record, I decide that my baby was alive as soon as God brought the sperm and the egg together.  Her tube may not have done what the text book would prefer, but that little girl was compatible with life... she lived beautifully for 9 months and 43 minutes and she was created exactly how she was meant to be.  I happen to love her that way.

So then I had the ultrasound... Asa is cute, but wasn't cooperating enough to get the 4D pics, we got to see him very briefly on the 4D and didn't get any prints of it :o(  But I'm thinking that I'm just not supposed to know what he'll look like will be an awesome surprise.  (what I did see, looked like Sam, which means also Rachel - and he was crossing his legs at his ankles just like Sam always does)  After the tech did the scan, she had the doctor go over it and then he came in to give us our results.

"Congratulations!" he said as he entered, "your baby looks perfect".  I just nodded.  I remember my friend Melissa blogging about this same thing a while back, but it seemed as if it was an over-exaggerated "congrats".  He then apologized for my "loss with my last pregnancy" and said Congratulations 2 more times while wiping the gel off my belly and leaving with a smile, nod, smile...  It felt like his congratulations was not only a comparison to my last "loss" but also a slight against Rachel, who we all know they view as imperfect and not congratulations worthy.

I said thanks and gathered my things to leave.... I told Matt he could head out and as he left, he gave me a kiss and said "oh yeah, and congratulations on Rachel, too" and gave me a knowing smile.  I was so thankful for that moment. 

I walked out of there with a cute profile picture of my new son and his round head, having had just been able to share my girl with a few more people who are too educated for their own good sometimes, and a smile on my face because I have been blessed to carry two perfect babies this year, both compatible with life and loved dearly.


  1. I can totally relate to this post. I just don't get how cold people in the medical field can be. I can understand it to some degree but come on use a little common sense and compassion.
    Rachel was made perfect and her life has a purpose just like my little Sami. God blessed us and continues to do so despite what has happened. Asa is going to be so proud of his sister.

  2. I refused tests on my last pregnancy. I found it annoyed the midwife looking after me! However, a life is a life. I do not discriminate. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy Stacy. Congratulations to Rachel too! She will soon has a cute baby brother. I love all your kids! Cuteness runs in your family!

  3. félicitations pour Rachelle et votre magnifique famille

  4. LOVE this! Yes definitely compatible with life, and it's a shame your doctors sound very similar to the ones I've come across.

  5. You said it all sister!
    Congratulations on both your babies! BOTH babies made to be perfect works of our LORD.

  6. Love this post....especially the line, " Ironically these are the same people damanding that women should have the right to choose....". It's almost an oxymoron....."you have the right to choose, but really this is what you should do - you need to terminate" is more like it...then followed by cold shoulders when you don't do what was clearly the option they wanted you to choose! I am part of the medical profession and it makes me sad and so disappointed to know this is how my profession conducts themselves. Yay to you and all other mama's that go against the advice to abort and instead celebrate life...however God created it.

  7. So in agreement and grateful for this post! Thank you for saying it and doing so very, very well!

  8. Oh Stace, I so get that. (and your husband is wonderful knowing exactly what to say at the right time).
    When I got home from hospital after giving birth to my angel Seb last week, I had a lot of messages waiting for me on my facebook and in a parenting forum I'm a part of.
    The ones that warmed my heart were those that said 'Congratulations on the arrival of your precious boy'. Yes I still had a baby and while he didn't stay here on earth, I still had a baby! Yes, congratulations are in order!! I also got a lot of the 'sorry for your loss' ones and they just felt empty? Sunday was a beautiful day for us and I didn't feel his loss on that day. I just felt so happy that we had met our little man and spent such precious time with him.
    A friend recently told me that through me sharing my journey (and others subsequently sharing about their angels), she now understands that baby loss is not just about loss, its also about celebrating a life. How perfectly true that is. God gave me this beautiful life - no matter how unperfect he was to the world - and I will damn-well celebrate how beautiful he was and what he meant to our family - and will continue to do.

    Love to you all xx

  9. I have grown to dislike the words incompatible with life b/c surely our children do live, even if it is brief and even if it is only our wombs.


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes