Friday, September 9, 2011

Moment #1: The Porch

This is the beginning of my "moments series" :o)

I definitely felt the absence of Rachel the week we were in Maine. This was our 3rd year there and last year we went right after we got Rachel's diagnosis and it was a really hard week (month, year) for me. There is a picture of me standing on the porch there in the "Remembering Rachel" video that I have etched in my mind.... after the 3 hour drive to get there, we pulled into the driveway and all I could picture was me standing there with Rachel in my womb, showing her off and making memories with her while we could.

I immediately burst into tears....not the reaction I was expecting arriving there. I just couldn't escape the thoughts of the fact that we were missing someone on this vacation.  I would have loved for her to experience this amazing place with us and to watch her love it more every year like we do.

I told Des that I had remembered that picture and she (being just like me with her photographic memory) said, "yeah, you're wearing the same colored shirt today too".   And I was.

We all just sat in the van while they waited for me to stop crying....  I took a deep breath and said with the strongest big girl voice I could muster up "well, let's go in" and we all piled out and into the little cottage we love so much. 

But oh God how being somewhere we love so much without someone we love so much hurts.


  1. Hearing your "Camden tales" does my heart good :) I am so glad God blessed you all with sunshine on your vaca. I'm sorry Rachel couldn't be there to share it with you this year. Thinking of you both tonight. Love, Jill

  2. As much as she wasn't physically there with you, she is always with you wherever you go and always will be. She lives on in your heart, your memories, your love of her. She is precious beyond words and it is so hard to imagine life without the baby we love so much, but we have the hope and joy of meeting them again some day in glory! Sorry that the start of your vacation was so rough, but I hope that you were able to truly enjoy your time there. I think of the verse in Romans 8 "And we know that these present sufferings are not worthy to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us." Praise the Lord that Rachel is already living in a glorified body! And you will join her some day! :)


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Thank you! ♥ The Aubes