Thursday, September 16, 2010

Can I Have My Right to Choose?

Okay, so I've decided I want to have a c-section...  I have prayerfully considered this for weeks and I keep coming to the same conclusion.  There is a much higher chance that Rachel will be born alive if I have a c-section.  I have NEVER wanted a c-section, that has always been my one fear going into labor.  I love giving birth (I know that sounds strange) but from the moment I had Desirae, I couldn't wait to do it again.  I know that having a c-section could potentially mean that I would never experience that again and that is hard for me.  I have been very careful to make sure that my decision is not based on fears and that I am not underestimating God's capabilities or knowledge of my needs.

The doctor's opinion has been "it doesn't make any sense to risk hurting yourself for a baby that isn't going to live anyway" (Maine Medical Dr)  and "we don't do elective c-sections for non-viable babies" (Garrison in Dover)  First of all, What Mother wouldn't risk her life for her baby???  Second of all, non-viable??  She is alive.  Her heart is beating, all her other organs are healthy and she has a soul...she is to viable.  Her life span here may not be long, but is it their goal to not give her a chance?  If a baby had a bad heart, wouldn't they try to save her? 

Here is my frustration - you may want to turn down the volume if you have children with you...
These same people offer "elective" abortions for perfectly "viable" babies every day...  They say that it's not necessary - neither is an abortion. If I decided right now that I'd rather kill my baby, they'd let me and would gladly perform, or send me somewhere to get, an unnecessary procedure.  They wouldn't be trying to scare me out of it with a list of potential risks to me.  There are tons of risks that come along with having an abortion, not the least of them that these women will have permanent scares on their hearts.  They claim that women should have the right to "choose", but who decides where that line is drawn?  They let people opt for c-sections all the time just because it is convenient with their work schedule or because they have company coming at a certain time.  Yet, they see NO VALUE in me desiring to hold my baby alive.  The Dr. at Caring Partners told me her advice would be to not monitor the baby's heart rate while I'm in labor so I wouldn't know if she's already dead during labor.

I don't know how I can go through labor and delivery feeling that it could be too much for Rachel to handle and that it could keep me from being able to meet her alive....  they also said that they do not perform emergency c-sections for these babies because they will die anyway.  Even if she is breech or in total distress ( which is a given since she doesn't have the top of her scull to make the way) they don't intervene.   OK, now someone tell me, are they God?  Do they know that Rachel can't/won't live for a few days, a couple of weeks or even a couple of months??  Can they say that for sure?  I don't think so.  They have their opinion, which they have made their reality - but they also said my Uncle would live 2 months to 2 years tops - and he was here over 3 years later.  I'm not into their opinions.  I want my CHOICE....   Hello, aren't I a woman?  Shouldn't I be able to CHOOSE what I do with MY body??  This is driving me nuts and I can't honestly say that I'm not getting angry about this one.  They ought to "practice what they preach" and put their opinions aside, just like they expect the Doctors who are against abortion to do. 

I need to find a hospital where the Doctors have a clue.  All I need is for one of them to decide they want to help me - just one - but they have to want to.  It seems like the entire medical field is pro-abortion. I am trusting that God will lead me to the right place and to the right Dr.  Pray that He does it quickly before I have to yell at someone.

I kind of feel like playing hardball... you know like when you're trying to potty train your toddler and realize that you have NO control over their urination.  You quickly find out who's in charge.

They think they can make me do what they want.  They also say I won't go into labor without being induced.  Go ahead and try to make me let you induce me.  I don't care, I'll stay pregnant - at least she's alive.  And quite frankly, I don't care if I sound like a toddler.  This isn't fair.  It actually doesn't even sound legal.  My baby has a medically necessary reason to be taken c-section, but they are refusing her the medical treatment she needs based on a guess of how long she'll live.  And it is only a guess.  The miracles of God are not considered in their statistics.


  1. I read on Facebook the other day... "Does it concern anyone else that Doctors call what they do 'practice'?" Anyway, do you want me to call a couple lawyers? Or you want me to send a link to your blog to Foster's? I keep saying it's not legal, and I truly believe it can't be. If you are choosing to carry your baby to term, regaurdless of the Dr's opinion or diagnosis, they cannot refuse to treat her just like any other baby. Would they refuse to treat a baby with terminal cancer or AIDS just because they "thought" the baby was going to die anyway? No, they wouldn't. They don't get paid to play God, they get paid to diagnos and treat. Let me know if you want me to do something...

  2. And so the med-flight to Maine Med would have been for what again???? Also I love the names they choose for their "practice". Interesting. Follow your intuition - it has never failed you.
    Love you, Mom

  3. I was told 1/2 way through my pregnancy that my son had a rare and severe heart defect. They said that he would pass away soon and if he did miraculously survive to full-term, he would die at birth. Several doctors advised us to terminate and "comforted" us by saying that we could move on and have a healthy child. When we refused, they said that we must not have understood what they were saying. Babies with this condition just don't make it. I have to admit that facing the rest of the pregnancy was almost more than we could bare, but God was so faithful and gave us His strength every day. Caleb DID make it to full-term and was delivered at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. We had all our family there so we could hold him for even just a moment, kiss him and tell him how much we love him. He was transferred to Children's Hospital, had two open heart surgeries and came home after three and a half months. It would have been worth it though, even if he was stillborn. He was having an impact on the world before he was even born and so is your daughter! Our son is now four and still has an uncertain future, but I never stop being amazed at how God is using him for His glory! This has been true even with some of the doctors that advised us to terminate the pregnancy. On the day of Caleb's discharge, a doctor sat with us and said that he could not medically explain why Caleb survived and that it was nothing short of a miracle. We agree! Your daughter deserves the right to live all the days that God has designed for her and you deserve the right to honor that. Your list of prayer requests looks like mine did at this point. I'll be praying for you and your family. God is faithful, even in the midst of the worst storms. If you ever want to talk, you can email me at: and I'll send you my phone number.

  4. I am praying for you. You have been dealt a crappy hand, and its not fair that your baby has anencephaly. Regardless of how you deliver this baby, unfortunately she will not live for long. I am so sorryfor your pain.

  5. Stacy, I have been reading your blog, but kind of just staying on the side lines. When I read this post it really got me upset. You made so many good points and you are so right. I was talking to my husband, mostly just talking out loud because I was so upset for you, but I bet you a big part of it is Insurance. I would be willing to bet that the Doctor's don't see it as an option because the insurance companies won't pay. However you are SO right. They would not refuse to pay in many other situations. I can't be sure that this is one of the reasons, but I bet it is.

    I think the part where you wrote about Caring Partners was the can they call themselves caring partners?

    I pray for your miracle every day, but now I will pray that even if you don't get the miracle that we pray for that you get to look Rachel in the Eyes, hear her breaths and tell her how much you love her.

  6. First of all, my best wishes and prayers for you and Rachel.

    My wife carried a Trisomy 18 baby to term, so I have some idea or what you're going through. Sarah lived for two days.

    On the most practical level, I would recommend trying an Adventist hospital. We're not SDA, but the folks at Shady Grove Adventist Hospital in Rockville, Md really "got" our decision to honor the life that was given us by giving Sarah every chance to live. I see there is a place in Brunswick, ME

    On a personal level, I will offer you two things to ponder. Hope they help, YMMV.

    1) God answers prayers. All prayers. Sometimes the answer is "no".
    2) Ponder the story of Lazarus, realizing that the people in it (except Jesus) don't know how it's going to turn out.

    Waynesboro, PA

  7. I would encourage you do some research into V-Back (vaginal birth after Cesarean delivery). My mother was a Nurse Midwife and Labor Monitoress who used coach women through this process. You do have choices and options after a c-section.

  8. See now that I myself am He! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.
    ~Deuteronomy 32:38-40

  9. Praying for a doctor who has the understanding of human life and the preciousness of it! Your baby girl deserves all the medical care as any other baby!!!You are so beautiful pregnant!!!!

    p.s. After I had my baby last October, I said the same thing to my husband...I cant wait to do that again:) after i heal haha I loved child birth the whole process of it!!

    Praying for you sister in Christ!!


  10. If you were on Long Island, I would take bets that Dr. Robert Scanlon, the most wonderful ob-gyn ever, would deliver your baby by c-section.

  11. Stacy, only now I saw you are already following my sister's blog!
    Believe in a miracle!! Keep believing!
    When Joana was pregnant and we found out about the diagnosis, I have to confess I was scared for my sister. I was afraid she would suffer too much if she continued her pregnancy and ended up delivering her baby girl just to see her go away right afterward. When she delivered Vicky on January 13, I was there, but could not see my niece because only the parents and grandparents were allowed in the NICU. When I left Brazil to come back home to California, where I live, I couldn't hold back my tears, because Vitoria's chances of survival were 0%, even though she had already survived a whole week. I was so sad to leave my younger sister in that situation. But you know what? I had a lot to learn about faith, and about God. Everyday that Vitoria lives proves ALL the doctors wrong. Every time I see her youtube videos, where she tries to crawl, I am amazed by God's mercy and grace.
    Do NOT give up!
    I am confident you will see your baby girl alive and you will tell her how much you love her. And she will be loved for ever and ever. Let God decide the rest!
    My prayers always,
    Ivana Kennedy

  12. Saying many prayers and have spread the word to my prayer partners in GA!... They have added you and your family to their prayer chain... you little one certainly is making her mark! Your story has touched me very much!
    ( I live in your area if you would like more intercessory prayer.

  13. I am not sure what to make of this diagnosis- perhaps her case is much worse than some, but I do know this- we have a boy in the local school who was born with a "mild" anencephaly and he not only lives but is a delight! Sure... he has a lot of challenges but he is also an inspiration who has gotten excited to help with fund-raising for a camp for others with special needs.

  14. As a labor and delivery nurse I have taken care of a few extraordinary mamas like you over the years. Those births and the time afterwards is the most sacred space I have ever witnessed. You inspire me and I honor your choices. Lead with your heart and savor every moment.


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes