Tough week. I'm exhausted and emotional. As each day passes, I know I'm closer to losing my baby. I've been disappointed by some people close to me this week and I'm feeling let down. I know that it's in these moments that God usually reminds me that He is the One I should be leaning on, but it's been a while since I've heard him loudly. I know He is working on all the little details behind the scenes and one day soon, He'll reveal the masterpiece to me and it's beauty will be apparent, but for now, I'm feeling alone. I guess alone is only a feeling though.
Someone I know who had lost a baby unexpectedly a few days after birth had told me that the people she always thought would be there for her, were the ones who let her down and that she made new friends because of her trial that have become life long friends. I can see that happening, and although I am so grateful for the new friendships I've made, it still hurts to not have the comfort I want from the familiar places. I'm trying to trust God's plan and go with it, without resentment, but I've never liked change. I guess I'm going to need to realize that none of this has anything to do with what I like. That part of the picture is very obviously already painted.
Some people aren't meant to stay in your life forever. When the dynamics of a relationship change, some will lift you up, some will cry with you, some will sit quietly with you and some.... well they just take their marbles and go home. You have good instincts and a good heart. You will have the right people in your life, of that I have no doubt. Please remember you are never alone. Not ever. It breaks my heart to think that you would ever feel alone in this world.
ReplyDeleteLove, Mom
Stacy - I have never met you in person (we are related by marriage) and you have shared so much about yourself and your wonderful family that I want to thank you for blogging Rachel's legacy. You will never know how many people's lives you have touched through your pain and sorrow. You will never know how many people's lives you have touched through your strength and spirit and faith in Him. I lost a baby 35 years ago through adoption and not one single day has passed without thoughts of her, her life, her sorrows and joys, and yes, the thought that she may not even be alive. No advice from anyone for me to still look for her brings me any peace or full acceptance of my decision at the time. Sorry for digressing, but you, my dear, are surrounded by people that love you and care about you like no one I have ever seen. You have made a difference in this world because of Rachel Alice. You, indeed, have the right people in your life and if they have chosen to abandon you now, their loss is a burden they will carry in their hearts. Do, like written above, learn from everyone you meet, pray for them, even if they have turned away. You are making a difference in this world. An expectant mother that may be halfway around the world has been touched by you and Rachel Alice's story. Please continue to reach out and the new friends you are making are for a reason. It is God's will to bring these new friends into your life. Blessings and prayers are sent everyday from your Uncle and me to you and your loving, sweet family.
ReplyDeleteLove, Mary
Stacy, I felt that I really needed to comment on this post because you couldn't be more right. It is a hard thing to accept though. Along this journey, I have let many friendships fade away, but made so many new ones too. You will realize in the end who is meant to be in your life. I am so sorry that you are feeling alone right now and I know that feeling well. If you ever need someone to talk to please know I am right here.
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