Sunday, September 19, 2010

Time is Ticking Away

Sad to see my count down ticker has dropped below 100 - only 97 days to go till my due date.  Most people at this point are counting down with excitement and looking forward to the relief of the pregnancy being over...  pregnancy can be hard.  But as I watch those numbers drop, I realize how little time I have with my baby.  The days seem to be flying and there's nothing I can do about it.

Everyone's clock is we cherish them the way we should? 

We went to our 3rd funeral in 5 weeks on Friday, all while planning our baby's funeral.  Matt's Step-Grandfather died after a long battle with cancer.  It breaks my heart to watch people lose loved ones.  It is so hard to say goodbye to people you love.  The only thing harder, is saying goodbye to people you love and having regrets that you didn't do or say something you wanted to or should have.

You can't get time back.  That is one certain thing in this uncertain world.

I had two special things happen at this service...  Matt was a paul bearer and so I sat with his Uncle Ray.  I have only met him a couple of times before.  We let him know that Rachel has anencephaly, as he was unaware.  It was a Catholic Service and at the end they did communion and I did not go up.  Not because it necessarily makes sense to me, but because I know that the Catholic Church has certain requirements to receive communion there (as all churches should, just different) and I wanted to respect their wishes.  Uncle Ray went up and when he returned he took my hand and we sat hand in hand for the rest of the service.  It was a simple, yet profound, way to show his support of me. 

Then, at the gathering afterwards, there was a woman talking to Matt's Step mom, Lu, about her grandchildren who were there and talking about how cute they were.  Lu put her hand on my belly and proudly announced that "we are expecting another baby girl soon".  It was so encouraging to hear her excitement about Rachel and to be treated as any other pregnant mom.  I'm sure Rachel was soaking up the attention from her Memere. :o)

The woman asked when I was due and I told her Christmas - she said how the baby would never like it because her birthday would always be overshadowed by Christmas...  Nope. not this birthday.  Christmas and Easter are two very important celebrations in our home each year. However, I have never let Desirae's birthday be overshadowed by Christmas (she's right after) and Rachel's will never be either.  I will celebrate her birth right along with Christ's birth every year - eagerly awaiting the day I will see them both again!

1 comment:

  1. Most people do not live like they were dying. Somehow a lot of folks think they will cheat death and live forever on this earth. If you hear yourself saying "I spent my time today...." concentrate on the word "spent". For we are given only so many days, hours, minutes to "spend". Just like a bank acct goes down as we spend our money, our hours on earth dwindle with each passing day. Our bank accts can be replenished - our life accts (on earth) can not. If we spend out time wisely then our memory will live on in others. My mother died nearly 21 years ago. I still remember her coloring with me as a child, being tough with me as a teenager, and advising me as a young mother myself. I don't remember if the kitchen floor sparkled. Though she died fairly young, my Mom spent her time here wisely. I know because throughout the years during times of sorrow and joy I feel her presence. She is neither gone nor forgotton. You can be sure that if Rachel Alice is taken to heaven she will have a Great Nana waiting with open arms.

    Love, Mom


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