Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Unconditional Love

I have been truly blessed to be surrounded by people who are supportive of me carrying our daughter to term - I hear many stories where women find out their babies have anencephaly and have to listen to people tell them how much better it would be for everyone if they just got it over with and ended the baby's life - as if the journey through this isn't hard enough without people adding to it.  I think what those people mean is it would be easier for them.

I've had a few insensitive things said to me, but mostly things that are questioning me, my faith, or what I'm putting myself through.  Nobody has said anything to me yet that shouts "your baby is not valuable enough to sacrifice for." (except the doctors) I can only imagine how lonely that must be.  You can tell yourself all day long that other people's opinions are not important or that what they say is more about them than it is about you (which is almost always true) but it doesn't take the sting away.  When it comes to your baby, there is not much room for opinions.  Most moms understand this and try to be sensitive, although I have met a few who can dish it out but can't take it in.

Since the first day we found out Rachel had anencephaly, my (little) sister has been a rock for me. (she gets that from my mom) She is there when I need her and allows me space when I need that.  Since she was a small girl, her personality has always been laid back and she's not usually the one to jump in and take on a new project or challenge (unless it has to do with fixing my computer, in which case, she's always been my "go-to" person)  But she immediately bought herself a notebook and has kept track of everything I may need to even consider all the way up to the important things I can't forget.  She'll tell me of an idea she has and after a couple weeks of not hearing about it, I assume she's forgotten, only to talk to her and find out it's taken care of.  She has been a blessing all my life, but especially so in the last 6 weeks.  I got an email from her the other day that reminded me why I want Desirae to have a sister that she gets to keep so badly... Here is part of it...
Your story is already amazing and I cant wait to meet her. I was thinking earlier how excited I was for you to have her and to meet her and then it struck me, should I be so excited??? Why am I excited? Is it wrong for me to be happy about her birth? And then I think about the letter Jailyn wrote to her when I first found out you were pregnant. "Dear New Baby, You are the cutest new baby ever. I hope you are a girl" and I remember, I am excited because she is my niece, I love her because, well, how can I not? Jailyn totally looks beyond everything I have told her about Rachel and anencephaly and is just so excited to have another girl cousin whether she lives for a minute or a year. Why cant I look at it that way?
Jailyn is 6 years old.  Our kids are all very close and we love each others' children like they are our own.  I remember that note from the beginning of my pregnancy and am humbled by Jailyn's continued excitement over Rachel.  As adults, we look at the circumstances and add our own opinions and beliefs to it to make the "reality", which often isn't reality at all.  One of the teachers at Tri-City had said to me that Desirae would be a better woman when she grows up for having walked this path with us. It's funny that one of my first worries was how she would handle it and how this would affect her... I'm always worried about her delicate heart. But you know what? The kids seem to handle this with more grace than we do, but they definitely follow our lead.


I am so grateful to have a sister who takes her role as Auntie seriously and loves my children unconditionally - whether they are good or bad, whether they act like she wants them to or not, even if they put moon sand all over her carpet (yes, that happened today), healthy or sick, anencephaly or not.  I am so grateful that I have a sister who does not measure her love for my children by them being perfect in the world's eyes.  I am so grateful to have a sister who is excited to meet my new daughter - who wouldn't miss it for anything - and who is walking with me every step of the way reminding me how special my little girl is.  And I am so grateful for a sister who is obviously teaching her kids to do the same. 

You know, she's not a Christian (although I pray daily that we'll someday share my faith), but that sure sounds a lot like Jesus.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sisters are definately underated. Kathy has been my rock many times over the years. She has also shared my joys and disappointments like no one else in the world could. I am glad you and Meg have found a place in your hearts to give and take along this journey we call life. Not everyone does that. I am proud of all my kids. I wasn't always the perfect Mom - how I raised such perfect kids I'll never know......
PS - I will have to take advantage of Megs new organizing skills.

Anonymous said...

The picture of you Stacey is gorgeous, and your family photo is also so beautiful. You have a beautiful family. I have been praying for Baby Rachel and for your family during this incredibly difficult time. You are such strong people. I love reading your blog, so amazing. Thank you for sharing so much personal information. I pray for the healing of this innocent baby girl and that she makes it home from the hospital with you. Thoughts and prayers are with you daily.
Megan Otash

Anonymous said...

http://www.belovedvitoria.blogspot.com/
I thought I would share this with you, a baby born with anencephaly in January of this year, she is now 8 months old.

Anonymous said...

Aube family,

I am Heather Houde, Ray(Hoody) & Cathy Houde's youngest daughter. A close friend of your Uncle Dale's. I just read your blog and I want you to know that you are all in my prayers. It is in god we must trust and believe that life is given for a reason! I admire your strength and courage and drive to see that people are, if not supportive, at least educated on everything your family is going through and the choices you have made! I know as a mother of 3 children myself, that I would make the same choices you have because thats what mothers do, we care and provide for our children regardless!

May everyone be grateful for sisters like yours. My sister is my best friend and is always there for me through every moment big or small and I can't imagine going through lifes challenges without her. And imagine if everyone could see things through the eyes of children, the simple reality. What a great life and world it would be!! I look forward to meeting your and your beautiful family at the benefit and if there is anything I can do please let me know.

Love & prayers,
Heather

Joana said...

Dear family!

I´m Joana from Brazil and Vitoria´s mother. I´d like you to know we are praying for Rachel and for you over here.
I admire your courage to love - I know exactly how we have to overcome our fears, but also how love can comfort us and heal our heart from ever pain about what is happening. I´m sure Rachel feels how much loved she is and God is so proud of you. It doesn´t matter what is going to happen, God wanted her to exist and so He has a great purpose for her life - she´s already being so used to show people about God´s unconditional love. And this is a very very special purpose for someone´s life!

God bless you,
with caring,
Marcelo, Joana and Vitoria de Cristo

Chrissy said...

Stacy,
I came across your blog and wanted to tell you that you are an amazing woman and mother!! I lost my son Cayden in February. He had anencephaly. He lived 3 days. I wouldn't ever change the decision that I made to carry to term!I am thinking of you and your family. You are in my prayers!
with love,
Chrissy Burns
www.caydenryan.blogspot.com

Meagan said...

I have spent the last couple days reading this post over and over, trying to think of the right way to respond. I definately feel like a response is necessary but I just didnt know where to start, probably because I cry almost everytime I read it. I can only hope I ever get to be the type of "rock" mom is. I Don't think that at almost 30 (Yes, Mom that was for you.) that I am quite the "rock" I will be in the future. From the time you found out about Rachel and I started my little notebook, I have always wondered if I was crossing a line by sending you links or talking to you about what I saw online. I am glad to hear you see it as helpful not hurtful. Knowing you, I was pretty sure if it was something you didnt want to see/hear, you would let me know. I am not this sort of rock for just anybody, there are only a few people in my life that I would do anything like this for and I do it for you because you have been MY rock, the person that I know if I truly need something, I could ask you and whatever the need is, you would meet that need for me. You are that person that I can call and tell all of my problems to and have you not judge me (or the people that are causing my problems, you know what I mean). So please don't think that I am doing anything special for you, I am only returning the favor that you have done for me time and time again. And for all of the things you have done for me, there is nothing I could ever do to repay you. And as for us "sharing your faith", if Des keeps it up, we'll be regular members of Grace well before Rachel is born. How could I say no to such cute little letters? I love you, and I am more than glad to be your rock. I am honored.

Chrissy said...

Stacy,
Thank you so much for looking at my blog and commenting. I have been thinking of you so much. I just wanted you to know that you can contact me through email(rcaacc@yahoo.com) and I would love to share my story with you and answer any questions you may have. I have so many beautiful pictures to share also. I know how scared I was when I was pregnant and there were so many women that helped me through it all. They are all now lifelong friends that I hold so dear to me. Just know that you are not alone in this hard journey.
All my love,
Chrissy B