That's What Friends Are For?

I've definitely hit a low point.  I went today to get some art supplies to bring to the hospital when Rachel's born so that we can get footprints and handprints and other keepsakes.  I have found a ton of ideas on how to make memories out of the short time we'll have with her.  But I can't help but think footprints...handprints...memorabilia?  Is that what we're going to leave the hospital with??  Yay.  Can't wait.  I had someone tell me the other day how "great" this all was going to be.  It's going to be "perfect"  yeah, it's great & perfect.  I'm going to give birth to a baby and my biggest hope is that she'll die in my arms and not before she gets to them.  perfect.  great.  can't wait.  I have had people questioning me about the baby shower... it either doesn't make sense to them or their concerned with what I'll do with the money people donate, as if anyone ever gets questioned about how they use a pretty pink outfit that they receive at a shower. I get to throw my baby 2 parties in her entire life and one will be her funeral.  I don't need opinions and interrogations.
The hardest part is that it seems at a time in my life when I need understanding the most, people still come through nice & strong with their opinions - so sure that they know exactly what we need to be doing or how we need to look at our situation.  They would definitely handle it differently...There's always going to be know-it-alls, but to have people claim, first of all that they are our friends, but then that the problem here is that I am being too easily offended or overly sensitive it absolutely baffling.  friends?  love?  where is it?  We must have different definitions.   I am absolutely all out of tolerance for it all.  Am I sensitive? YES.  I am 7 months pregnant with a terminally ill baby.  Being pregnant is hard enough on a good day.  I don't need people critiquing me and talking about me at gatherings.  I need support.  Not idol talk and judgement.  I need real friends who actually listen when we say something hurt us, and maybe even apologize, but at the very least try not to do it again instead of insisting that it's got nothing to do with their actions.  Am I tired? YES I am.  I have 3 little kids, I'm homeschooling, I have constant appointments, I'm planning my baby's funeral, I don't get much sleep at night - and did I mention that I'm pregnant??  I am sorry if I'm not living up to other people's standards.  Maybe I wouldn't be so worn out and emotional if people would learn that not everything that crosses your mind needs to be said.  I'd actually like to crawl inside a hole and hide to be completely honest and it's not because my baby is going to die - it's because it's becoming easier and less painful to be ALONE!  Sorry if that sounds negative... never claimed to be perfect.  And no, I don't need medication... I need support.  And I need support from people who want to offer my definition of support, not theirs.  And if that's not possible, then I'd rather be left alone.  3 times on Sunday, I had people ask "is she still moving?"  This is not the normal "oh, do you feel your baby move a lot?"  this is a "is she still alive?"  Yes. She is still alive and I'm beginning to think that I should have never told anyone about this at all.  That was the doctor's recommendation.  Just don't tell anyone.  yeah, this is great.  It's perfect. I'm totally psyched about this plan.  can't wait.   I've come to the place where I just nod and smile and then go away to cry because nobody really wants to know if they've hurt me, they just want me to suck it up and give grace.  Well, I'm kinda out of grace and it's probably not coming back for a while.  Maybe you could fill in in the meantime?