Friday, May 20, 2011


23 weeks...  another Friday...  a full week of RAIN!!  I hate rain.  I miss my baby.

It's been raining all week and now my (Rachel's) tulips, which only had the chance to bloom for one afternoon, are falling apart.  They closed up on Sunday with the rain and never opened again cause we haven't had a bit of sun and all the pedals are falling to the ground now.  I'm super disappointed with that.  All I can think is that their chance to bloom got ripped from me too, just like my girl.  Only here briefly before the inevitable rain washed them away.

I went to visit Rachel today and as I approached, it looked like maybe they had put in the footing for her stone.  When I got closer I realized that it was actually a board across where the stone will go.  I picked it up expecting it to be cement under there and almost threw up when I saw what it was...

A deep, gross, wet hole about 3-4 feet deep with only a piece of plywood between the hole and Rachel's casket.  My Lord, why today?  I was on the phone with my friend Harlee when I got there and was instantly too distracted to even finish my sentence... and then I started crying and couldn't stop.  I'm guessing that they started to prepare for the footing before the rain and now the rain has prevented them from pouring cement.  But I had NO idea that they dug that deep or that close to her in order to put her stone in.  They had put a piece of plywood to block her casket and these boards going the other way to hold it in place (so the ground wouldn't cave in and her casket fall out) and there was like a foot of water from all this rain at the bottom.  The ground is ugly, it's dark, it's wet and there are bugs and my baby does not belong there.

I wanted to take the wood out, dig her up and bring her home...

And then I realized she's already home.

The words in the song on my blog that keep coming to my mind are: "we know the pain reminds this heart, that this is not our home"

I've never been more homesick than now....

Push pause on player below to listen

Please pray for me (& my sister) as we go to the woman's retreat this weekend with my church.  I'm really not into it at all.  (the fact that I haven't showered or packed yet and I'm supposed to leave in 15 mins is proof of that)  Hoping it will be a weekend of revival for my heart.


  1. Praying that it is for you also!!!

  2. "Homesick" was one of the songs that got me through when my grandson Christopher went to live with Jesus. It became another "favorite" when my Dad passed away two years ago last week. I understand....
    I pray that the weekend retreat will renew your heart and give you peace...

  3. Awww Stacey~
    Precious friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers right now. That was certainly an aweful way to find your baby girl's resting place, but you are right she is home! I heard this song for the first time about two months after losing Ethan(it was new at the time) on our way to a weekend away on our anniversary and just sobbed. It speaks a grieving heart so beautifully/perfectly. This one and "I can only imagine" are two of the songs that I think of Ethan during and allow myself to just be lost in another time and place and just miss him. The words are beautiful and so true. Heartwrenching. I will be praying that God would use this weekend to renew and refresh you. That He would draw so close to you that you feel His arms around you. That it would bring His peace back into your heart. Rest fully in Him. He will continue to do the work in you until the day of completion....the day you meet Jesus face to face and hold your precious children again in heaven....what a beautiful day that will be!!!! I can't wait! :)

    Love, hugs, and prayers coming your way in full force tonight and this weekend,
    Carrie <3

  4. I'm so sorry you had to experience that! I got a knot in my stomach just reading it. Praying your retreat is good and it renews your heart.


  5. Dear Stacy,
    my english is not so good - but I will let you know that I pray for you, your Family, Baby Aube and the precious little Rachel.
    Every Day I think of you and your Family and talk to my Sisters and Brothers in my Church about Rachel`s Legacy.
    I wish I could take the pain away from you!
    Best wishes and all my prayers for the weekend,
    sending Ursula (Germany)

  6. Homesick says it all
    thinking of you

  7. I hope that the retreat goes better than expected.

    I know I am tired of the rain. It's rained so much that I haven't visited Carleigh in what seems like forever.


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes