It said "Rachel" on it.
It was empty.
My initial thought was: "empty, just like my arms and her cradle"
One of my few regrets is that we didn't video tape anything since she wasn't alive most of the time we had her. I wish so much I had video of me holding my daughter and I'm disappointed that we just tossed that idea out the window when she died. But why tonight? Why after the day I've had did it have to be tonight that I pull out the video camera for the first time in 5 1/2 months?! *sigh*
All I could do was cry. Then I finally checked my email and there was one from a blog friend, Lucka from Canada. She sent me the song Blessings (playing on blog now) which I've posted before, but tonight... it meant more. She sent me the email over a week ago and I just "happened" to check it right after I just "happened" to have my heart break over the empty video tape. Tonight I'm begging God to show me the blessing in all my pain. I'm just not feeling it these days.....
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Stacey~
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are having such a tough week. I'm sure all the gloomy days aren't helping. I know I also could use some sunshine. I will pray for some sunshine in your heart and outside! Someone close to me posted this same song recently because they were facing some dark trials as well and what a great reminder it is! I love the words.
I was listening yesterday morning to Christian radio(it's all I listen to) and the song Closer by Shawn McDonald came on. As the words played, my heart cried out "Yes, Lord I want to be closer to you". He answered me in His still small voice "I am doing that right now in all the trials you are facing".
As I look back over the years I see that it is through the trials of life that we are drawn closer to Him. We long for Him like water in a desert. Because we need Him so desperately to hold us up when we can no longer stand.
I will be praying that you would find strength in our Savior today and in the days to come, that He would be your rock and shield and that He would draw you closer to Him.
Lots of love and prayers coming your way this morning,
Carrie :)
It is pretty ironic that you posted about this song, because every single time it comes on the radio, I think of you, and I pray.
ReplyDeleteYou are always in my prayers, and I think of you and Rachel all the time. Infact I heard a song on the Christian music channel while cleaning my house a month of so ago and going back to your What family & friends can do blog, you spoke about needing grace and so I wanted to share the song with you. I think you are an amazing woman, wife, mom, & friend and I only hope you can find some peace in the words of the song I heard and thought of you in. It's called "Save a place for me" by Matthew West. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteHugs from England. You are mourning, your hormones are up in the air plus you have a beautiful family to raise.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me - never worry about the housework. You are doing a brill job bringing up your children.
I love that songs. Brings tears
ReplyDelete