Sing to the King

Another night of extreme back pain... wish I had a recliner.  If it wasn't for the benedryl, I probably wouldn't sleep at all.  I got up in the middle of the night to pee and could hardly walk.  It must have been an interesting scene.  I was thinking that if someone recorded me, it could work well for abstinence training in teenagers.  The title of the film could be "this is your body while pregnant"  I think I might get me some depends and just stay in bed.  Kidding...sort of.

I sounded like I was 90 years old trying to get out of bed when Matt had to leave this morning.  I thought for sure it was going to be an awful day.  I had guitar lessons today and last week I had to stop early cause I was in too much pain to finish. I thought it would be a repeat of that and I'm getting discouraged with how little I can get through these days.

I came downstairs and was listening to the CD that we gave as favors at Rachel's party - and before I knew it, I was having the sweetest time of worship in my kitchen.  The song that really got me today was "Sing to the King" - It says "come let us sing a song, a song declaring we belong to Jesus and He is all we need...lift up a heart of praise, sing now with voices raised to Jesus, sing to the King... for His returning we watch and we pray, we will be ready the dawn of that day, we'll join in singing with all the redeemed, cause Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King!"

In my kitchen, in my PJ's, horrible back pain, carrying a baby that can't live outside my womb and I was singing to my King.  Praising Him for what He's done for me - Believing that He is all I need - and praying in a more sincere way then I've ever prayed before that He will come back soon, knowing that when He does, Satan will no longer have a hold on this world and all those who believe in Jesus will spend the rest of eternity without tears, pain or sorrow.  I've had times where I've (I know, this doesn't sound very faithful) actually wondered if I really want Jesus to return.  I love my life and in my humanness it's hard to imagine that I would rather be anywhere else than here or with anyone else than my amazing husband & kids.  But this morning, it dawned on me that as of right now, we would all be going to a better place...a place where Rachel will also be.  Here on earth, a piece of me will always be missing... Here on earth, I will have to lose them one by one or they will have to lose me.  If Jesus came back today, we'd get to forfeit all that pain and loss and be together with our Father...pain free, completely whole.  A few years from now, when my kids are faced with their decision to follow God or not, that might not be the case.  Our children are not born into our belief, no matter how much we want them to be.  They might not all choose to believe in Christ's sacrifice and they might not go to heaven.  The thought of that breaks my heart.  So, this morning, I was given a new found desire to see Christ return.  A new found hope in what that means for our family.  Another gift from God given to me through my precious baby girl. 

I am also really thankful that I can approach God in such an ugly state and sing totally off key, looking like I should be one of those fillers on American Idol (you know. the ones who are obviously there for entertainment purposes and not because they think they can sing)  and He is ever so happy to hear my voice being lifted to Him. He meets me there every time.  He welcomes me and washes over me with His love and mercy until He's all I can see.