Tuesday, January 25, 2011

How Many Tissues to a Mended Heart?

My friend Ruth told me that after she lost her boys, she started measuring her days in tissues... a "1 tissue" day was a "good" day...  Let's see, today...  I lost track of my tissues hours ago.

If you haven't listened to the song that our friend Phil wrote yet, you should.  I put a link to it at the top of my blog... I don't listen to it often, cause honestly, I cry a lot when I do.  Because it was written with Rachel in mind and the lyrics are so personal., it really breaks my heart wide open.  I know I need that sometimes...but it's not a comfortable feeling.

Today I was putting it on the blog and listened to it....  1 tissue, 2 tissues, 3 tissues, 4....

And we'll follow that up with a really bad headache.  It left me wondering God, when will I not hurt so bad??  I decided to look up a verse that might make me feel better...  I typed "bible verse for sorrow" in google. (it's a quick concordance) :o)  And the verse that popped up was:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18
It wasn't what I thought I needed to hear... I decided to go get my devotional book out instead.  The woman from String of Pearls (link on side of blog) had sent it to me after my sister contacted her to tell her about Rachel when I was pregnant.  It is called the One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie.  I started it when I first got it, but only got a few devotions in and stopped.  I brought it with me to the hospital and put Rachel's hand and footprint inside it, as well as inside the journal she sent me to go with it. I planned on journaling in at the hospital, but never did.  This was one of the things I came across, in my unpacked stuff, the other day that I had forgotten about (my room painting day)

Why am I telling you this?  Because I opened it up and the last day I had written in it was October 16; the day we had Rachel's baby shower.  It was a joyous day, celebrating our little girl's life... and at the same time making our impending loss that much more obvious. The title at the top of that day's devotionBut I Am Trusting  The prayer at the bottom says:
You are my God, and I want to trust you with the hurts of my past and the pain that may be in my future.  Today I choose to trust you and believe you'll give me the grace to trust you tomorrow, too. (underlines mine)
The title at the top of the page today?  Brokenhearted

The verse? 
the Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit

The meditation says:
Quiet yourself in the presence of God, and meditate on the comforting promises of this verse.
Express your brokenheartedness and crushed spirit to God, laying it all before Him.
Ask God to make the closeness of his presence known to you, and open yourself up to his rescue.
I'm thinking that this was the verse that He had for me today afterall...even though I was expecting something different.  And considering the number of tissues I've been through while opening up my heart to this truth... I guess He was right.  Imagine that. 

So tonight, I continue to surrender my life to the One Who knows me, loves me, and cares for me... The only One Who can heal my broken heart...trusting that He is big enough and strong enough to carry me through this...I again lay my sorrows at his precious feet, keeping my eyes on His cross; knowing that He is aware of my suffering and treasures my tears.... and he knows how many tissues have soaked them up in my sadness.

AND...my husband just walked in with some pretty flowers for me. :o)  Said he thought I should have some on my desk... I love being Mrs. Aube :o)


  1. Dear stacy!
    Thank you so much for your Email! I Am going to answer As soon As we are somehow settled a little more. But for today: I experienced it really offen through our Way with Valentina how we received the right words...
    The funeral was on friday, the date was Set for practical reasons and as I looked after the lecture of the day, this is what i found for January 21:
     26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”[a]
    1 cor 1, 26-31

    I was so amazed.
    Lots of Love to you once again!

  2. I love how God gives us just what we need when we need it! Still praying for you daily and loving on you all from afar! Your husband is awesome! I remember one of the very few times my husband brought me home flowers and boy did I need them! I hope your evening is filled with joy and rest and peace!

  3. I might just have to look into getting that book you mentioned. I could use a book that would speak to all my heart hurts and hopes and lead me back to God. I read her book Holding Onto Hope during our journey with Noah. It gave me strength and hope.

    I'll keep you in my prayers.


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes