Valley of Weeping

This weekend we had some warmer days and a bunch of rain... and today I looked outside and saw a chair, a hotwheels bike, and a big wagon that have been buried under the snow in the yard for a couple months now!  Spring is on it's way!  I did hear from a friend who visited Rachel the other day that her spot is pretty muddy.  That would be because everything is melting so fast, and there isn't much snow at all on her grave, (thanks to Brent & Naomi shoveling for us all winter.) Unfortunately dirt+water=mud.  I hate to think what is happening under the ground where she is...but I do think about it.  I wonder stuff like "Is that vault keeping her casket dry?...is her blanket staying clean... can bugs get to her?" sigh.  my baby...

It's interesting the constant battle in my mind... I am SO eager for spring to come.  I want warm days, sunshine, green grass and flowers.  But every time I think "spring is coming", I feel a sense of sadness that Rachel's not coming with me into the spring.  It's hard to understand why something I want so bad can be exciting and bring hope and at the same time, make my heart heavy.  I guess that is how everything has been this entire journey.  To be honest, it sucks.  Every happy event, every ounce of joy, every smile on my face is followed by pain, sorrow, disappointment, emptiness....another confirmation that she is gone. But I am not without hope.  I need to remember that she IS NOT BEHIND me!  She is ahead of me.  When I get through my valley of weeping; through this earthly life full of pain, I will find her there waiting.  She probably won't realize how long it's felt like for me - cause right now, she is in a place of refreshing springs enjoying God and His love to the fullest mesure and worshiping at the feet of Jesus...probably in her dancing shoes.  I can't wait to watch her dance again. 
dance for Jesus pretty girl...

What joy for those whose strength comes from the LORD, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

Psalm 84:5-6