He Wishes We Knew

Another Friday... 15 weeks without Rachel.  Some amazing things that happened today.

Let's start with the last couple of days actually... we got another $363 in donations for Rachel's Playground...thank you!!  We also got a commitment from a decking company for a huge discount on some materials. Then my mom told an old friend of hers about the playground and he wrote out a check for $150 today.

This morning, Kelli from Learning Structures came over to bring me the master materials list (it was a push for them to get it done so quickly, but I needed it for Monday's meeting!)  While she was here, she showed me the list of special order items that we have to get directly from them and told me that they plan on giving us all of them at cost and will try to get some donated!  Another huge savings!   God is providing!!

I was bringing Des to Tri-City Christian academy for testing.  I have been nervous that I'm failing her (anyone relate?) this year and wanted to check where she is at academically so I would know what we needed to work on before the end of the year.  They offered to give her a placement test for me.  On the way I heard a song by Third Day called Love Song.  The lyrics reminded me of Rachel so I decided I'd put it on my blog when I got home...  I'll get back to this.

I dropped Des off and the boys & I went to visit Rachel.  I had wondered if all this "waiting for spring" was going to leave me wanting.  I thought there was a possibility it could be one of those "I will feel better when ___ happens" and it be wrong.  Well, I was right.  It felt SO much better being there with the warm sun (It's in the 50's today!) and the snow is almost gone.  My wonderful mother had brought a spring looking flower arrangement, a solar light and a "think spring" sign and since the ground isn't frozen anymore, I was able to rearrange everything and make it look just right.  I have decided that I hate frozen ground.  But I will win the battle next year - I'm putting everything in early!
 

We picked Des up and apparently I could take the next few years off!  Not only is she not behind, but she tested at almost 8th grade for reading, 4th grade for general knowledge, 5th grade for math (this is the subject I was most worried about!) and 6h grade for spelling.  Her overall grade average was 5th year, 7th month.  She is technically in 3rd, but she skipped 1st so for her age, that is really good.  We are praising God for this gift.  I have been beating myself up for a couple months now cause I thought that with everything going on, I wasn't doing good homeschooling her...  God has it covered!!  And she has also learned some invaluable life lessons.  This is one of the days where I know why I homeschool. 

We got home and I decided to put the love song on my blog...  I looked up the lyrics and read them while I listened to it to make sure it applied.  I did not expect what happened...  Here are the lyrics, listen to the song playing as you read (click on home to restart music)

Third Day - Love Song



I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves.
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain,
But I walked the hill of Calvary.

[Chorus]
Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay no
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.

[2nd Verse]
I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
All of those dreams are an empty motion.
It can never be done.
I've never swam the deepest ocean,
But I walked upon the raging sea.

[Repeat Chorus]
Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay no
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.

[Bridge]
I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love.
How I died upon the cross for your sins.
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I give you
But I promise, I would do it all again.

Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay no
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away.
Just to be with you.

How many times I have you heard me say " I wish she knew"?  My greatest desire is for that little girl to know how much I love her, exactly how she is.  To know all I sacrificed for her willingly.  To know I gave my all and I would do it all again because I love her with an everlasting love and will continue my faithfulness to her. (Jer.31:3) 
These are the things that I was thinking of when I listened to the song... at first.  But in the back of my mind, I figured that Third Day was saying that he would do anything to be with God...

Then I looked closer...  and when it dawned on me what the song was actually about, I started crying.  It happened at about the Bridge... "I know you don't understand the fullness of my love"...  This song was written as if God is talking to US. 

He would do ANYTHING for me.  I don't understand the fullness of His love.  He died on the cross, just to be with me!  He would do it all again... And He wishes I knew.  Probably way more so than I could ever wish Rachel knew about my love for her. (and His love is so much greater too!)   Because she has God now.  I know she is in good hands and is well cared for....without God, we have nothing and He knows it. 

I understand the heaviness that comes with the feeling of "she doesn't know...I wish she knew".  I can only imagine how God feels when he looks at his daughters (and sons), knowing how much He loves us and what He gave to be with us, and thinks "she doesn't know... I wish she knew." 

He wishes you knew.

Listen to the song again... do you believe it?

It's true.  He gave everything and would do it all again. For me.  For Rachel.  For you.  To be with you.