The greatest sorrow I've ever felt is that of being a mother. Two pink lines, 9 months and a delivery, followed by empty arms, an empty cradle, no snuggling and plenty of sleep.
The greatest perplexity I've ever felt is that of being a mother with 4 pink lines, 18 months and 2 deliveries, 1 baby and a grave (with a pretty headstone, eventually). All the while being really tired and unable to sleep. Really sad and unable to cry. Really happy and unable to smile.
I know I have many more hard days ahead of me. I know I have many good days ahead of me. I'm just not sure I know how to do both at the same time.
But I wouldn't change a thing.
A blog friend, Becky sent me a song that I hope you have time to listen to. It really spoke to my heart today. One of the lines talks about doubting God's goodness, which was what one of my posts I never published the other day was titled. ("coincidence!")
So, what if the trials of this life are His blessings in disguise? Well, then I think technically, that would make my greatest sorrow also my greatest joy. The time when I knew Him like never before.
John 16:20-22Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy
I definitely think Rachel fits that description. My joy.
Blessings in disguise. That is exactly what I needed to hear right now.
Thank You, Lord.
If you can't watch video, click here for lyrics
And its 12:03 again.... I miss her....