On August 4, 2010 our hearts broke as we heard the Dr. say "she has anencephaly...these babies don't live" at our 19 wk ultrasound. The Dr. is wrong. Our precious daughter's time on earth may be short, but she will live for eternity with our Lord in heaven. During the few months we have her here with us, we intend to make the most of every second of it. Our hope is that she will leave behind more than a few short memories, but that she will leave a legacy of what it means to hope in Jesus.
A while back, I ordered the vault for Rachel's casket. I had an extremely difficult time picking one out. There were some that were "prettier", but they didn't look as sturdy. It seems pointless to worry about the casket being protected since it's going in the ground and never coming out, but this was one of my hardest choices. I cried a lot through this part. So, I ended up talking to a lady at a company called Polygaurd and she helped me pick one. She also helped me with the price and gave us a break on it. It was a "happy" ending to my search...
It came in the mail while we were gone on our Maine vacation in September. Our neighbors were collecting our mail for us, so a day after we returned, they came over with a bunch of mail and a huge box. I knew right away it was the vault. I didn't open it until later and when I did, I fell apart. I called Matt at work "the vault is ugly and it's smells funny" I said through my tears. He said it's ok, we'll paint it... we'll make it look good. (Truth is, the vault was fine. It's just nothing is going to look good enough for my girl)
I went to the store and bought some paints. A few weeks back, he spray painted it for me (with Isaiah's help) They painted it a soft pink and I was already feeling better, but we were still going to decorate it.
So yesterday, since we were all here, we got out the paints and decorated Rachel's vault. I cried a few times. It's hard to imagine that she'll be inside this thing...even though it is much prettier than it used to be and doesn't smell funny anymore... I still don't want to put her in it.
We all put our handprints on it - When I did mine and lifted my hand, there was the shape of a heart left in the middle without paint on it! (you can see the pink heart around the yellow one I drew) It was cool. As always, my heart for this precious girl shines through. I added "always in my..." Wish she knew.
The kids' side... Sam was SO not into this. We managed to get his hand on there, but I had to do some touching up. He liked washing his hands better. :o)
Lamb by Desirae!
So, there you have it...Rachel's vault. I would love to write something that could really articulate my feelings on this one, but I've got nothing.