Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A Bright Light in the Dark Days

We had our last appointment before Rachel's birthday today - had our last ultrasound and met with the surgeon that is going to do my c-section.  We were able to have our favorite sonographer today...
We got some good pictures of our pretty girl! She is nice and cozy down low, so part of her head is blocked by my uterus, but Susan put me 1/2 way upside down and managed to get some good shots.  And one of my hopes has come true... Rachel has some hair - and it looks long!  I saw that last week too, but we got a picture this time.  I'm assuming it will be black, like all the others - but it wouldn't surprise me if it's red...she is a little feisty!

On the way home, Matt graciously listened to me re-cap the last few months.  The summary:  A long road in a short time.  It's been so hard, and yet the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced.  I remember in the beginning really struggling with how to walk the line of beauty and sorrow... now it seems to come naturally.  Rachel has made me a better and stronger person. 

Our meeting with the surgeon went well... we went over how it will all play out.  She actually laughed out loud when we said I didn't want to use narcotics.  I haven't used narcotics for anything, including getting my wisdom teeth out since I got sober 9 years ago.  I have a high pain tolerance (get that from my mom) but I don't want to be foolish about it either.  I don't want my mind to be foggy while I have time with the baby, but I also know that pain can be just as distracting... please pray that I will have wisdom to know what to do and that my pain will be easily controlled. 

She felt my belly and said "are you having a contraction?"  I said "no, I'm just muscular" :o)  My belly is always as hard as a rock cause it's stretched to the max.  I told her she should plan on getting sprayed when she cuts into it!  She said she'll wear her galoshes.  I asked her if she has ever delivered a baby with anencephaly before and she said "only for terminations" - my heart broke for those women.  I know that path brings only the sorrow...no beauty.  It's painful enough as it is, but that only makes it worse.  And they think they're taking the "easy" way out.   I'm hoping that Rachel will show all of these doctors and nurses and medical staff the truth of that...I'm sure she will.  I hope they can never look at a "termination" the same.  It's so sad.  I cried as soon as she left thinking of the fact that she has been part of such a dark thing.  I pray that Rachel will shine the light on that truth for her.

Then we got home and there was a package waiting on the table.  It said "To Desirae Aube, this is a week of celebration!  Merry Early Christmas" - I opened it and called her down to see and video taped her reaction... An American Girl Doll...  "with the accessories!" (in Des' words)  An anonymous gift, one she has been dying to receive.  She got out her catalog (that she looks through almost every day!) and read to me the story of Kit (the doll's name)  The title reads "A bright light in the dark days of the Great Depression - 1934"  and it tells about her dad losing his job and says "what she discovers:  Sometimes, along with hard times come good times...  have you ever faced tough times and found a way to stay hopeful?"  And Desirae yelled out "That's why they gave me this doll!!  It's cause of Rachel!"  She continued reading... "Even in tough times, Kit wakes up with a sunny outlook" and ran to get Daddy to tell him all about how she related to this doll.  "Daddy, Daddy!  I know why they picked this doll!...."

I always thought American Girls were a waste of money...  but I can't begin to tell you what a blessing this doll was in our home tonight.  Whoever you are...  Thank you.  We are humbled by your generosity. 


  1. Her reaction to the doll was something else. Did you know that 1934 is the year Nana was born?? Just an interesting tidbit.
    I think you should publish this blog as a book and it should be a mandatory read for those in the medical profession who have ANY interaction with families in your or any similar situations.
    Three days to go and she has hair!! I can't believe he birthday is coming so fast.
    Love, Mom

  2. Wow....I have the chills reading about the American Girl doll. God is so good. It never ceases to amaze me how He places it on the hearts of His people to bless those in need.
    The pictures of Rachel are beautiful. She is so precious. I am glad too that you had the sonographer that you loved. That is so important.
    I will be praying for wisdom for you as you decide whether or not to have medications and how much.
    Praying expectantly with you....

  3. That was so thoughtful of somebody! So glad that someone made Desirae smile today during this hard time. You look great and Rachel is so beautiful! Sending love and hugs~ Chrissy

  4. Dear Stacey,

    I will say a prayer for you tonight so far away from you... but to the same God, your God. Our God! Who is your father and will carry you...

    I wish you soo much strength and love.

    Your blog is so inspiring.

    Valentina´s Auntie Lolo (from Berlin, Germany)

  5. August 4th is my own daughter's birthday - her name is Rachel too - and when she arrived 11yrs ago, she was a balm for our hearts as her older brother Sebastian died after 3 precious days of life. Your Rachel has inspired so many to believe in the awesome power of a God who loves us. He loves us through the tears, despair and darkness as much as through the joys and triumphs. Obviously I have no need to tell you this as your family is an example for all as to the gift of life - no matter how long or short that life is - EVERY second of life matters! I have been and will continue to pray for you all as you bring Rachel into this world and guide her into the next.

    ~Monique Bamford (Gonic, NH)

  6. Dear Stacy,

    my last comment just got lost somehow...
    I was reading your post today just after coming back from our latest ultrasound.
    I think of you a lot and I am happy to hear, that there are some really amazing people around you and of course... that little Rachel has hair is simply very beautiful.
    I understand, what it means to you.

    Lot´s of love,
    iko with Valentina

  7. Hello, My name is Bethany Lessard and I am a teacher at Tri-City Christian Academy. I am subbing for Mrs. Hearn today and have thought about you all day as I watch these children. I remember the day that Desirae was brought to school to check it out. I also remember the day I looked at you (I was 30 weeks pregnant with my son then) and thought..."She must be pregnant cause she has a cute little bump" I want to let you know that my every thought has been about your family today. I cannot stop thinking about little baby Rachel. Im praying now...truely praying and not just speaking...actually praying. You have changed my outlook on a life!

    Oh and I too got that same doll when I was Desirae's age and absolutely loved it. What a blessing....

    With love and prayers,
    Bethany Lessard


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes