On August 4, 2010 our hearts broke as we heard the Dr. say "she has anencephaly...these babies don't live" at our 19 wk ultrasound. The Dr. is wrong. Our precious daughter's time on earth may be short, but she will live for eternity with our Lord in heaven. During the few months we have her here with us, we intend to make the most of every second of it. Our hope is that she will leave behind more than a few short memories, but that she will leave a legacy of what it means to hope in Jesus.
Today's appt was a flop...worst one yet... horrible sonographer that gave me two bad pictures and had me in and out like I was on a conveyor belt. She had us there long enough to tell me my fluid is up again and Rachel only gained 2oz in 2 weeks and she was off. I started crying the second she left the room and within minutes was full blown sobbing. I couldn't stop...through the hallways and into the doctor's room... while everyone stood around me in silence not sure what to do cause I had totally lost it. She checked me and I'm 1cm dilated and 70% effaced, which means nothing unless my water breaks early. Then I calmed down, got through that and they set us up an appt over at the hospital for a tour... This journey has been a heart wrenching road for me. There have been many blessings along the way, but the pain is almost unbearable. The woman giving the tour was great, the reality of the tour...not so much.
By this point Matt was pushing me in a wheel chair cause I couldn't hack all the walking... I was quite the sight... red puffy eyes with an obvious headache and I couldn't walk. Someone on the elevator asked if I was in labor... I said "no, I just look like I am" and smiled. (she, of course, was bouncing a brand new baby girl in a front pack) We saw the labor & delivery floor, the operating room, and the postpartum floor (babies and all). :o( I think the reality started to sink in for Matt today too. Up until now, I don't think it has - but you can't stand in an operating room and talk about what a baby dying looks like and not have it affect you. Two weeks from today we'll meet our baby girl! Praying 3 days later, she'll come home with us...even if for only a few minutes.