While I Was Unaware

Me & Walmart have a love/hate relationship.  I reluctantly went yesterday to get some toothpaste and stuff while I was down to only Samuel for a while.  It was fun hanging out with him alone.  He's a cute kid, if I do say so myself.  So, there I stood in the isle trying to figure out what kind of pads to buy (sorry, guys) for after the baby comes and this lady came around the corner and said "Oh, you are so beautiful" - "Why, thank you" I said, as if I agreed.  She started asking about the baby and I told her how Rachel was coming early and why.  I said that she's not expected to live long and she marched over to me and said "They might not be able to do anything for her, but I know Someone Who can - His name is Jesus, can I pray for you?"  She asked if she could touch my belly and there we stood in front of the femanine hygiene products as she prayed for healing for Rachel.  We talked for a few more minutes and I told her "wow, thank you, sometimes you don't know how much you need something until God provides it"  I really needed to hear someone say with total belief that God could still heal her - and I needed to hear her pray that way.  I, of course, was now crying.

I did the rest of my shopping and picked a check out where I was pretty sure I wouldn't be asked about my due date.  I was right, the cashier didn't ask, but from over her shoulder the manager did.  I told her Christmas, but she's coming early.  She said "I don't blame ya". and so I told her why.  I had NO intentions on saying anything to anyone else after the first lady, but as soon as I told her, she came right over and shared that she has also lost two babies.  Before I left, we were both crying and she gave me a hug. 

I never realized how many people have lost babies.  It unreal how when I open up and share, 1/2 the people I talk to will tell me of a loss they've had.  Just yesterday, we had a women on the elevator at Maine Med tell us of a baby she lost 45 years ago and how much it hurt.  And while I've walked around complaining about not getting enough sleep cause one of my babies was up a lot, or fretting over some minor thing (blessing, really) that we as mother's have to deal with...  there were mothers leaving hospitals without their baby.  There were mothers planning funerals and trying to make a first birthday without their baby meaningful.  While I was complaining over the lines at the store or how expensive baby clothes were, there were mothers wishing they had a baby to buy clothes for... even wishing that baby could be screaming in a long line with them.  While I was completely unaware... mothers all over the world were crying as their hearts broke over empty arms. 

On one hand, I am devastated to be so keenly aware now - and on the other, I'd never go back.