Saturday, December 4, 2010

Truth and Dare...

I spent last night cuddling with my girl.   The funeral home came and picked her up this morning.  I was so grateful for how well they handled it.  We didn't want Rachel to go to the morgue at any time so they picked her up directly from us.  I was nervous about how that would play out and was pretty sure that whatever pieces of my heart were still intact at that point, would break.  Just the week ago, God led us to this funeral home (we were planning on using a different one and on Thursday, the day before her birthday, we made a last minute decision to switch.)  This was definitely God's provision for protecting my heart... instead of the usual "case" they use to pick up infants, Tammy brought a nice little moses style basket.  These two women from Autumn Green Funeral Home (and Kim) were so gentle and caring and sat with me and let me take my time as I fell apart saying goodbye to my precious baby. 

I am very sad tonight... but I still don't feel hopeless.  I want to take a minute to say something that is on my heart, but doesn't necessarily "fit" into this post. (I have a feeling I might be all over the place with my words for a while...)

Last night, as I sat sitting with Rachel, I was overwhelmed with the mercy of God.  I was holding my baby, who had died hours before.  My mind was at rest and my heart at peace.  I was full of thankfulness to God for how many blessings had come out of this one little girl.  In my humanness, I knew there was no way that this situation could feel so acceptable to my heart.  I know that is God alone.  And I feel I would be doing a disservice to you if I didn't take this opportunity to say this to you...

I know there are many people who read this blog who don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ.  I need to make it very clear, especially to all of you, that I am not capable of any of this without God.  My "faith" is not in and of itself what keeps me going.  It is my trust in my Father in heaven and His son, Jesus Christ that does.  When I made a decision to stop running from His call on my life and follow Him, to change my life to make it more pleasing to Him, He made himself real to me and my life has never been the same.  Not because it's been easy, but because it's been full of peace and joy. 

I know there are people who have come to either a new relationship with God, or a better relationship with God because of my sweet Rachel.  If you are one of them, I would LOVE to hear it.  If you comment and want me not to post it, just let me know and I won't.  It would be so encouraging to my heart to hear about it.

Tomorrow is our first Sunday without Rachel... and her first Sunday with Jesus.  And we won't be able to be in church to worship the One Who created her.  We would be so honored if you do not normally go to church, if you would step out of your comfort zone and attend a local, bible teaching church tomorrow morning in Rachel's honor and for God's glory.  If you do that, could you please let us know...  our greatest desire through this journey was to make God be known and I think there would be  no better way than for you to go experience Him for yourself.  

And on that note...  we'll call that a challenge :o)   Let me know how it goes!! :o)

I'm gonna go hang with my amazing husband... and miss my beautiful daughter.


  1. If you would let us...our church can be with you tomorrow. We love you. And hope to see you, hug you, and kiss you!

  2. Even though Kim is watching your kids for the night, I will be there in the AM to pick them up and bring them with me and the kids to church (I hope Kim got my message). So as for me and my kids, we say.... DARE! Love you, Meggie. (Or would that be Dare with some Truth?)

  3. Stacy, for the first time ever I will go to our sunday religious service with my chaplin in the army, for you matt the kids and Rachel. for you to stay so strong though everything this summer, i will do that.

    Love, Aaron.

  4. I was just introduced to your blog last week and am so thankful for that. I am in awe of our Lord. He is so loving and faithful. I want to thank you for allowing Him to use this time in your lives to touch me and so many others. I also thank you for your willingness to glorify Him. Your family will continue to be in my prayers. I also pray many will step into a church tomorrow in Rachel's honor and come to know our Lord Jesus. Thank God for this family and their love for you.
    Happy Birthday Rachel!!

  5. I first learned of your amazing little girl on the night before her birthday. On this day, my little 3 month old baby girl was once again admitted to Barbara Bush Children's Hospital.

    I read your blogs and was given hope. On October 16th, our 6th child was diagnosed with a rare life threating liver disease called Biliary Atresia. She has had surgery to give her time to grow so that more livers will be available to her. She has spent a month of her very short life going between maine med and boston childrens hospital.

    The night before Rachel was born, she was admitted to the hospital with a suspected infection called Cholongitis. This is one of the worst things that can happen to a baby with her disease waiting for a liver transplant.

    Because of your story and your dreams, I did not spend the night scared that my little girl would not be coming home. I took comfort in knowing that you were right there in the same hospital as our baby, and dreamed that your hope and courage was contagious. At 9:30am I looked at the clock and made a wish for you, your family, and your angel. You gave me hope.

    I had hope that there are people out there like you that know how precious a life is, no matter how long they live in the flesh, and that they will always live on in the lives they touched.

    We put our daughters life in the hands of strangers everyday. We leave her in the hands of doctors and nurses. She is relying on the hope that someone else will want their child to touch her life and live on thru her.

    I have lost a child unexpectedly before. It is still possible that our daughter will die from the many complications, disorders, and diseases that she has, and eventually cirrhosis may consume her before a liver can be found for her. But, you have shown me strength that I never knew a parent could have.

    Because of your family, and your precious Rachel Alice, we will have hope.

    I did not mean to hijack your blog. I wanted you to know that you are an inspiration for us.

    May you always be blessed.

  6. My husband takes our children to church every Sunday. I usually take that time to stay home and take and extra long shower, or clean, or go grocery shopping....etc. I want you to know that there is NOTHING that will keep me from attending church tomorrow with my Rachel's honor and in honor of your family. That being said, after witnessing and learning from you and your beautiful baby girl, I will be attending church every Sunday from here on out. I have not been to church in a long time.....months. And I can assure you that people will be staring at me tomorrow and wondering if I am OK because I know for a fact that I will spend most of the mass in tears. And I don't really know how to explain why. It's because of you, and Rachel, and your beautiful family, but it's also because for the first time in a long time, I am fully, warmly, and amazingly aware that there is something much larger than me at work here. I am so grateful. I hope that He will understand why I have been away for so long.

    I most likely would not be making this decision to rejoin my church if it was not for you and your beautiful pumpkin Rachel.

    I am thinking of you with warmth and love,

  7. I would love to spend a moment or two with you tomorrow. I hope you are up for it...we can pretend we are in church?

  8. We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield.

    Psalm 33:20 NLT

  9. I was dreaming of precious baby girls last night. I know your heart hurts. My daughter, Mary claire, was outside making snow angels. As I watch her, I just cant get my mind off Rachel. I'm praying for peace and love and the Lord's healing for you and your family. I cried tears of joy at her birth and while she's gone to live with Jesus I will continue to think about your special little girl. A little girl whose story has touched me deeply.

  10. God is definitely amazing! I know it is by His grace alone that I have been able to travel this journey as I have. I miss my little Lilly but there is so much joy and love surrounding her when she was here on this earth and even now. I definitely share your viewpoint and could relate to this post.

  11. My sister met you a few years ago in MOPS and is so inspired by you that she follows your blog regularly and gives me updates constantly. I prayed for you at the times she told me to on Rachel's birthday. I couldn't stop thinking of you and your family. You are an incredibly strong woman! My husband and I are Catholic and we have strong faith; someone once told us that as far as babies go, God gives you what He thinks you can handle. We joke that He doesn't think we can handle much because we are blessed with an easygoing, healthy, happy baby (he's 1 now), but truly, we suffered a miscarriage before we had our son and I know that (a) it has made us appreciate what we have so much more, and (b) I keep thinking that Rachel and my baby are in heaven together and I look forward to meeting them both! You are an inpiration - I'm crying non-stop reading your blog, but am so grateful that my sister introduced me to it. You will forever be in my thoughts and prayers!

  12. A friend linked me to your blog on Rachel's birthday, and I prayed for her and for all of you.

    My 6 month old daughter Mercy is a survivor of a twin pregnancy, when her brother Nicholas did not survive my case of H1N1. I know what you mean when you say that you are not handling this on your own, but that God and your faith are carrying you through.

    It's been a year since we lost Nicholas now, and I just want to affirm you and hold you in prayer for being such a beautiful witness to the value of life, no matter how short a duration or how frail. Life matters, and love matters. Holding you and your family in my heart and prayers today, and thankful for being able to see again through your words how loving a Father we have, who carries His children when we are too weak and broken to take even one more step on our own.

    *much love*

  13. God's peace and comfort is simply amazing. I remember feeling His presence so strongly on the day of Carleigh's birth.

  14. Stacy, I've been following your blog, and have cried, and laughed at some of your blogs. You are an amazing women, mother, wife, and child of God.

    I wasn't ready to meet your challege on the date of this post,didn't know what or where a bible teaching church was,,,, I didn't even own a bible.

    That is past tense, I now own a bible,thanks to my best friend, who shared your blog with me.

    I have been to church, today, and it was amazing. The people were very friendly greating my husband and self.

    At the back of the church, were baskets, of hand knitted hats and scarfs to be donated to a womens shelter. Seeing the hats made me once again think of your precious daughter Rachel.

    I was a nonbeliever untill very recently, like a few weeks ago, after reading your blog and finding a Christian Chat online site.

    When I went to the site, I had many questions, most from your post, bible scripture questions, and to share your story and ask for prayer. When I got there, they were talking of a very similar women and unborn child....Mary and Jesus, wow, did that give me goosebumps. Someone sent me a PM, and said to me, Jesus died for your sin. Someone else in the room said in the public area, Jesus died for your sin. WOW, how wild is this, when I was thinking how a very similar story broght me to Jesus, the story of,, Stacy and Rachel, you were his messenger,, I know this will never take the ache away from your heart, but I know you will find some comfort in knowing the pain you are suffering is bringing someone to God,Jesus, to church, brought me to believe, to thank God that you made this blog, thank Jesus that he died for our sins.

    Oh ya, about the Jesus died for your sin, another story, I called you, wanted to give you my heartfelt condolences and to thank you for this blog, and tell you how it has brought me to Jesus. Your husband answered, I was nervous, and told him the reason of my call, wow, another person telling me,He died for my sin, we had great talk, prayed, and wow, just over and over I am hearing HE died for my sin, I feel fresh, releived, ready to believe.

    OK, church today, they sang a songs,again, one made me think of you and a post you made on Dec 6th I think, Your post was My Soul Finds Rest In God Alone, the song at church was In Christ Alone. Again, wow, is that not the Lord, God talking to me.

    I just want to give you the biggest hug,thank you, tell you I am so sorry for your loss and let you know, I now have a friend in Jesus.


    PS, you don't have to post this, as this is not about me, but of you,Rachel, your family, and your relationship with God.

  15. I ran across your blog actually looking for song lyrics to Sing to the King. I just wanted to say that I will be praying for you and your family. You have a powerful testimony and His word says that we overcome satan by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony!


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes