Thursday, December 9, 2010


Rachel's service was beautiful.  The day was extremely long and yet went too quickly, just like my pregnancy.  We were blessed with $625 towards Rachel's playground today.  I'm really excited this is actually going to happen.  It started out as a much smaller idea that God put on my heart and the thought of it becoming a reality helps me to look forward.

I'm having the hardest time of my life tonight.  I can't seem to take all my thoughts captive.  I have managed to stay busy all afternoon after we got home, but now that things are slowing down and Matt's asleep, my heart is getting very heavy.  Every time I close my eyes, I keep picturing Rachel's perfect little face and nose...and it was perfect... in the cold ground.  I want to go dig it up and take her back.  Staying still right now is harder than it has ever been.   I'm afraid to even try to go to sleep cause I don't want to have nightmares.  Please pray for my mind and heart.  This is when things start getting really hard.  As if it wasn't already hard enough. 

I will admit, tonight I'd like to know...  Why, God... why?