Wednesday, February 9, 2011

My Heart's in November

Soli Deo Gloria - "Glory to God alone"
(It's the name we gave our homeschool so that I keep proper perspective on why I'm doing this...)
 What's this?  Well, this is the erasable calendar I made at a MOPS meeting last year...I use it for my homeschool activities and it's hanging on my kitchen wall, still reading "November"...  Why?  Well, cause I can't seem to get myself to erase it.  It's got all my Dr appt's listed... Thanksgiving (our last holiday with Rachel) and at the bottom, I counted ahead to Dec.3 and wrote Rachel's Birthday!

When I made the chores section, I didn't make boxes for each child cause I was hoping to add another baby to our family and I wanted enough space for them all. 

November was a hard month...physically, emotionally, mentally... my dr. appt's were all day events and they were constant.  I could hardly keep up with life...but Rachel was here.  *sigh*  We really did wait for her with hopeful expectation...even though things were hard.  I'm so grateful for that.  A few people have questioned me "your calendar still says November?" I just nod, smile and say..."yeah"  - I know they think I just haven't gotten around to it...  nope. I look at it every day, I've debated changing it to December, January, and now February... but can't.  She was with me in November.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to erase this board.... I know my "baby loss Mama" friends get this. but I really don't want to take her name, or time spent with her, off of my calendar. I actually kept my regular calendar from last year and put it in her memory box.

I'd love to go back to November... my heart is still there.


  1. I would probably just make a new one and leave that one just like it is. I wouldn't be able to erase it either. Love you! :-)

  2. I have a watch that needs a new battery. It stopped working just before Amelia was born. I remember putting it on for her funeral (it felt strange not to wear a watch even if it didn't work!)and thinking, this watch is just like us. For us time had stopped - we were still there in those 2 precious hours...sigh

    I now have that watch set on 11:06, the hour and minute she went home. I have no intention of replacing the battery. It is perfect the ways it is - broken.

  3. I agree with Courtney, make a new one! That, or take as many pictures of the calendar so you will always have it as a reminder....hang the picture of it up in your kitchen so you can still look at it for as long as you need!
    I LOVE the list for your little man: eat, poop, sleep, smile! :) Too precious!

    Love you and still praying for you all!!! <3

  4. i agree with everyone you have to do what makes your heart happy. you will change it or leave it as is when the time is right. There is no need to rush things. If it makes you happy and ease's the pain for a few minutes yeah it is worth it to leave it.
    OH i would like to ask you one thing can you tell me how you made the special board i would love to make one too.
    Thank you so much

  5. Yep, It's a big picture frame...decorate a calendar and put it inside and use marker board markers! Very easy...

  6. I was discussing this with a coworker today about how a mom who lost her baby just recently would do things when she was ready. You may never erase the calendar, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is completely understandable. I am coming up on Lilly's one year and her stuff is still out where it was when she was with us. I completely understand and my heart goes out to you dear friend. *hugs*

  7. there just is no timetable with grief...I miss 2010 too :( You continue to do a great job as a mama to Rachel and your other 3 blessings! Love you.


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes